“You can’t hate yourself happy. You can’t criticize yourself thin. You can’t shame yourself worthy. Real change begins with self-love and self-care.” Jessica Ortner
We all wish we had magical powers to do just about anything. I can testify to the want of magical powers for the purpose of healing. I really wish life were like the movie Aladdin, the genie pops out of the lamp and grants me my 3 wishes. Unfortunately reality is not like that. I have learned you have to create your own magic and your own healing powers. We all hold inside us the power of positive thinking and the power to heal through self love and care.
Yesterday was an extremely rough day. I laid in bed all day willing the nausea and body aches to stop. After the raised dosage of chemotherapy my body was screaming for self care. I don’t usually listen to my body when it comes to rest. I go a hundred miles and hour trying to accomplish everything in a 24 hour period. I have been on this track most of my life but eleven years ago when I was first diagnosed it became a coping mecalnisism for me. I continue to go despite my body screaming at me to slow down. My thought process has been, if I keep going and my mind occupied, cancer is not running my life. Unfortunately I am learning the hard way that not letting my body and mind rest, cancer is ruling my life. I’m learning that in order to heal my body I have to rest my body. Eleven years and I continue to fight with my self about this issue.
My therapist brought up an extremely good point on our last session and it stuck with me. She asked me why I can take care of everyone else but not myself? I sat there for what seemed to be hours and I couldn’t answer her. She replied,” because you have to include yourself in the worthiness of self love and care.” Damn doc, I guess thats why you get paid the big bucks. I have been playing over and over in my head that conversation. I love my friends and family and would do anything for them. Advise, help, and my time. What I haven’t done is include me in the receiving end of my love and care. I have become so worried about everyone else dealing with my cancer I forgot I have to deal with my cancer. Cancer has taken up a 1/3 of my life. That is a long time to neglect myself and worry about what everyone thinks and how I can make it better for them. I have to make it better for my self. I have to take my own advise and listen to my inner voice. The voice that knows how I should treat my self and my body. The voice that knows healing starts by loving and taking care of yourself. I know I have the power to heal my body. I have done my research, I have read the books, studied the greats and know what is right for me. I am making this promise to myself, I become a priority. I am challenging all of you to do the same. Man or woman, young or old, cancer or not, We all deserve self love and care. No one can do it for you.
All My love,
Fab Marie xoxo