Photo by: Fab Marie
“You have been assigned this mountain to show others it can be moved.” -unknown
Two days ago I received the news that the trial Chemotherapy drug I have been on for a couple months is not working. I have heard this many times over the years and seen many doctors scratch their heads wondering where do we go from here. With my autoimmune disease (lupus) and cancer, they both fight against each other. I think of it as a boxing match. Cancer takes the first punch then the lupus answers back with an uppercut to the right boob. While my body on the outside looks pretty normal other than the lack of hair, my insides look like I’ve actually been 10 rounds with Mike Tyson. My insides are screaming for relief and I’ve had to take my own measures to protect them. I have always known this mountain I was stood in front of 12 years ago was not going to be an easy one to climb, but the last 5 years have been extremely trying. Many doctors have essentially signed my death certificate. I know that sounds harsh but that is the reality I have been given many times.
What makes my journey and fight different is I am unwilling to hear, no cure. I don’t believe I have come this far to give into those words. I look at my journey as a symbol of what everyone wants to believe, Miracles Happen. Every time a doctor tells me there are not any more medications we can give you, another trail comes along that has prolonged my life. Another advancement is made that helps with my Lupus.
Two days ago when my doctor called and said, “this isn’t working.” My first words to him were, well then what’s next? Guess what? There is more they can do. I am now on a new Chemotherapy that will help with the Lupus and will help with the cancer. The drugs are making it so my body works together, and even though there are many side effects and I feel as if I have been run over by a bus then backed over by an eighteen wheeler, I am hopeful this will work. What I am reminding my self of is that I have to allow the medications to do their job and that I am helping by letting my body rest and fueling my body with the nutrients it needs to heal. I am still struggling to get my self up this mountain but I have not given up hope that one day a helicopter will pick me up and ride me to the top. No I am not afraid of hard work but I also also willing to let the universe help.
I am challenging all of you to look at the miracles you have been given. Look at not only the big things but look at the smaller miracles that have occurred in your life. Miracles happen everyday, you just have to look into the mirror. Don’t ever forget your worth or the miracle you are.
All my love to you my Fabulous Fighters,