“Don’t forget that you’re human. It’s ok to have a melt down. Just don’t unpack and live there. Cry it out and then refocus on where you are headed.” -unknown
For days I have been trying to figure out how I am going to handle telling my followers, friends, and loved ones about my new diagnosis. For months I have been having migraines, vertigo, and blurred vision. All of which I thought was caused by the chemotherapy. I had a heart to heart with my oncologist who ordered multiple tests, only find out I have a tumor on my brain. Yes that is a lot to swallow. Yes I am in shock. Yes I am still processing. I have cried, I have screamed (in my own head), and I have gained perspective. The months I have been suffering with headaches, pain, and dizziness, now we have answers to why.
Absolutely not the answers we were hoping for but they are answers. My focus is on education of this new diagnosis and what the best treatment plan for me is. We are still waiting on the tests to confirm this is a metastatic brain tumor and would move forward with radiation. Where it sits on my brain in near the base, it is controlling my vertigo, headaches and affecting my vision. The speculation is that this tumor has been here for a while, and stems back to my mini stroke two years ago.
This is not only emotional to write but I have this overwhelming guilt that I am constantly telling people bad news. I have lost track of shocked faces, silent awkward moments, and tears shed by loved ones. I have meditated on getting through this and how to move forward. The answer is simple, the execution is muddled. Four simple words changed everything: BAD TIMES DON”T LAST. Everything heals. Your body, your mind, your heart, and your soul. This is BAD news by far, but this is another bump in the road that we will get through. Nobody is born a warrior. You choose to be one when you refuse to give up, when you refuse to stay seated and quiet when the deck is stacked against you.
To anyone reading this who is battling adversity, I know you are tired. I know you are fed up and that your are so close to breaking. There is a fire and strength within you, even when you feel your most weak. Keep FIGHTING!
To all who are reading and are sending love. I hear you, I feel you, I see you. My heart is full because of all the love and support.
“Always remember you are BRAVER than you think, STRONGER than you seem, and LOVED more than you know.”- unknown
All My Love to You My Fabulous Fighters-