The Seesaw Effect

 

Love is a seesaw

When Dave and I met one of the first things we spoke about was our birthdays, and where in the zodiac universe we were. Finding out we were both Libra’s was surprising and intriguing. As Libra’s, the sign of scales, we both need balance. That balance is different for each of us, however, and this is how we are opposites. We are not polar opposites, but rather we are the opposite of what each other needs. We are each others counterbalance.

The dreamers and realists: you would think that the dreamer would attract the dreamer and the realist attract the realist…but the truth is the dreamers need the realists to keep them from soaring too close to the sun, and the realists need the dreamers to help them soar closer. Think of it like a seesaw, teetering back and forth with a central pivot point that serves as the foundation or the grounding point. Dave and I, at the core, have always shared similar values relating to family, money, spirituality, and authenticity. Even when it comes to parenting, we have not differed. We have communicated to each other about how we want to raise Mackenzie and from the beginning we both felt it would be a team effort and not mom vs dad. The strength we share as a couple lies not only in our similarities, but also in our differences. Sometimes I speak in words and he looks at me with feelings. We are a team. Whatever I lack he has, we balance each other out.

Your soul mate will be the stranger you recognize.

I wasn’t always consciously aware that Dave was my true counterbalance, I just knew that I was drawn to him. I knew that his lighthearted spirit brought balance to my more intense and serious ways. When we moved in together our differences really started to emerge. Ever the planner, I needed to plan well in advance, and Dave was spontaneous. He wanted to enjoy life and I wanted to control it. Early in our relationship I remember meeting Dave for lunch. If someone were to simply look at Dave and I from the outside, from a distance, we looked like polar opposites. I was polished, doing appearances in the pageant world, studying cosmetology, and always dressed to impress. Dave was covered in grease, elbows deep in a motorcycle engine or prepping for a motocross race. Lunch that day was no different, I was in my skirt and blazer and he was in his work overalls covered in grease. I had stopped on the way, trying to be spontaneous and picked him up a cookie cake. I was using Dave to bring balance to how I approached life. I was not trying to change him or bend him to my ways and he was not trying to do that to me. Instead we embraced our differences and appreciated how we could learn from each other. Like the scales of Libra, or that seesaw, we stood on the foundation of our similarities and used our differences to grow and learn.

With the most recent transition to holistic healing, while I have a plan, it does not offer the same structure and accountability as our previous traditional medical plans. Previously, Dave and I would be told what course of action to take based on what the scans revealed. These days, the scans provide information that I then discuss with my Naturopath and we come up with a plan together. Dave, though not a planner, has taken longer to adjust to this new healing approach than I have. I have embraced the freedom and the power to control my medical journey. I am also greatly enjoying not having my body ravaged by the poison of chemotherapy. Dave, while thrilled that I feel better off of the chemo, longs for that “certainty” of having something in our plan that will “kill the cancer”. Here I have taken a stance of faith and belief in natural oils and holistic healing, a more spontaneous approach if you will. Dave supports me, and has faith in holistic healing, but struggles with letting go of the traditional medical approach.

We are each other’s counterbalance, not opposites. Give and take, not take and take. “It is only when the formed learns from the unformed that there is understanding.” “We are not meant to be perfect, we are meant to be whole.” – Jao Jeh Ching

 

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