I have said on more than one occasion I will do what is necessary to regain my health; to take my life back from cancer. For the past eight months I have been holistically healing my body. It was my choice to discontinue chemotherapy for a while and do things my way with a lot of help from like minded professionals. This Thursday we got the news after my scans that I have another mass and the tumor in my brain has significantly grown. A huge disappointment and discouragement. After speaking with the oncologist we came up with a plan for a new chemotherapy drug and to continue with my holistic approach.
I left there Thursday utterly devastated, I couldn’t stop crying. I was doubting how I have handled the past year of treatment, I was doubting medicine, and I was doubting my fight. The bright light of hope was diminishing in front of me. The faces of my parents, Dave and Mackenzie was just heartbreaking. It never gets easier to talk about cancer and what it is doing to my body. It doesn’t get easier explaining what this diagnosis could mean.
It wasn’t until Friday night that the glimmer of hope started to shine its light again. That glimmer came from my beautiful friend and director of the Miss Pink program, Ashley. She sent me a text which included 3 pictures with 3 different quotes. She said they reminded her of me.
The first said: “She is a warrior and her prayers can move mountains- She is more” Second- “Her trails transform her- She is more.” Third- She engages in battle so she can reign in life-She is more.”
They all resonated with me through the tears that streamed down my face. What stood out was the last 3 words of all the quotes, “She is more” I kept asking myself, more what? It finally hit me. I am more than the word cancer, I am more than the disease that is trying to ravage my body, I am more. I am so much more than giving my tears to doubting my fight. What I want you to take away from reading this is the two words that will shape your reality: I am. Two of the most powerful words. It is what you put after them that shapes our reality. So yes! I am more, I am a miracle, I am enough, I am grateful. And I will continue to state these words until those words are I AM CANCER FREE.
SO my beautiful and Fabulous Fighters everyday may not be a good day, but I promise you can find that snip it of good that turns it around. That may start with I AM!
All my love my Fabulous Fighters,