I stand in the bathroom everyday looking down at the scale, fighting with myself, do I stand on you and let you be the judge? Or do I walk past you and stand in my power knowing I am doing everything I can to get healthy? The question becomes am I willing to sacrifice my mental and physical health for the perfect body? I want to become a woman who is 100% comfortable in her own skin instead of obsessing with a number on the scale.
My mental fight with the number on the scale has become a problem. This is not a new struggle, as I have dealt with eating disorders in my past, but how I am looking at the mental struggle now is totally different. When the crazy monkeys in my head start to chatter and put me down, I now go to gratitude. I remind myself that I am doing everything I can to be the healthiest I can be. I remind myself of the activities that I did the day prior to improve my health so that the number on the scale becomes insignificant.
I have been holding off ordering clothes for the upcoming USA Ambassador national pageant in July. I have been telling myself to wait because I am going to lose weight. Recently I found an interview suit that I absolutely love and I saw that there were only two available. I hesitated, then asked myself “Why am I waiting?!?!?!?” I love that outfit, I want that outfit and who cares what size I need to order! I ordered it. If it needs to be taken in, then great! If it doesn’t, then great! I have to be ok with whatever size it needs to be.
One of the major reasons I am doing this pageant is to prove to myself that at the size I am right now, the weight I am right now, and the headspace I have worked so hard to be in, that I am enough. If I stay true to me, to my values and to being the healthiest version of me I can despite battling breast cancer and lupus, there is no way I can lose – national title or not.
The number on the scale is simply a representation of gravity pushing down on the body. It does not show us how much muscle or fat we have. It does not show us how healthy we are or how much fluid we are retaining. It is not an indicator of how loving, successful, compassionate, motivated or how intelligent we are. The scale simply is not an indicator of who we are. Yet, we often associate our worth with that silly number.
I am on a mission to become a woman who is 100% comfortable in her own skin instead of obsessing with a number on the scale. I recently found this Positive Body Image Pledge online and I am committing to read this to myself every day and truly embrace its message. I would like to invite you to join me on this quest of true self acceptance and self love.
All my love to you Fabulous Fighters,