This past few weeks I have been really struggling. After another bout with vertigo landed me at urgent care, and a diagnosis with Meniere’s Disease I have been in bed most of the week. Each day praying for the spinning to stop, praying for relief, and even praying that if this is the downward spiral of my failing health, I asked god to just end this. I know this is a really dark thing to write, but I have promised to be open and honest with you all through this blog. I am in tears writing this as I know this is such a sensitive subject, but there are days that I wish for an end from all the ailments and hurdels I jump over. Believe me, I am thinking clearly and I know in my heart this not what I really want. I want to live a full and meaning life. And most days I do that. But the days, weeks, months, and years, of battling are really starting to weigh on me.
Our minds have a way of showcasing the devil and angel in the same thought. It can be the darkest and scariest place to live. This week has been especially trying, unable to work and do the things that bring me joy, or even the simplist things we take for granted like taking a shower. I have watched more hallmark movies than I can shake a stick at, which all end happily with a kiss. It some ways it brings me joy, but it the dark place of my thoughts it makes me angry that all these love stories end with happily ever after. It just reminds me that mine may not. It reminds that everything doesn’t always work out. But it reminds me that no matter how dark and scary my thoughts can be, I am blessed with a roof over my head, an amazing husband and daughter, and so many people that truly inspire me everyday. SO this week I have had to hold onto hope and the glimmering little angel that whispers, it will be ok.
I know deep down that believing in the universe and staying true to those philosophies will abundandly bring me joy. I have deviated this week with meditation, and eating well, and all the daily reminders that wrap me in warmth. Which is why this article is so dark. But you know what? I am human, and humans lose site of their goals, and dreams, and even reality. I allowed myself to go where I know it’s not safe, I allowed myself to not ask for help, or even tell people I was struggling. But this is where it ends. This article is now a reminder that everyone needs that help sometimes, and it’s ok to ask for it. It’s ok to wobble between the devil and angel, we just can’t unpack and sit with the fire.
It’s true what they say, the biggest obstacle you will ever overcome is your mind. I guess this week my ailments took a back seat to my mind. It’s ironic that I blamed my dark thoughts on my ailments, when my mind was very thing that was ailing me. So this week I walked through the fire in my own mind to come out the otherside. Learning being positive doesn’t mean ignoring the negative, it means overcoming the negative.
So my fabulous fighters, this was a hard week and a tough article to write. But I want you all to know how much this community of support means to me. Our strength doesn’t come from what we can do. It comes from overcoming the things we thought we couldn’t. Fabulously Fighting isn’t being perfect in the face of adversity it’s being humanly authentic in the face adversity.
Warpping you all in Fabulous light and love,