STOP TELLING ME I’M GOING TO DIE

All week I wanted to write down exactly what I have been feeling. But this paper stayed empty. My mind has not.    The doctor brought me into her office and the first words she uttered were, “The chemo stopped working.”  She then went on to tell me that I have new lesions on my spine, my brain, and my lungs. Insert a whole lot of colorful choice words I had running through my head to say to her, but I did not. It wasn’t until she told me that at this point in my treatment they have one new form of Chemo that is targeting triple negative metastatic cancer. BUT, quite a few people can’t take it because of the side effects and adverse reactions. I was told that she wasn’t confident with my medical history that this chemo would not have adverse reactions like uncontrollable vomiting or hives all over my body.  Here is where the colorful choice words came in.  I asked her what are my other options? Her response-”There are none at this point, and if this doesn’t work we are looking at about a 12 to 18 month survival.  COLORFUL CHOICE WORDS TO BE INSERTED HERE.

My first thought was to put her head through the wall and my second was, How dare you put an expiration date on my life, without my consent. I didn’t ask you if I was going to live, I didn’t ask you the time frame of my life, and go F*CK yourself if you think this news will derail my positivity that I can still win this battle. 

SOOO I started this new chemo Monday evening, I have been sick, exhausted, and mentally drained. But guess what? No adverse reactions and I am handling the medication better than she expected. INSERT sarcastic comment and a  HAHA, I MANIFESTED this chemo to work comment.

You see Monday evening after telling my family and some close friends how the day went, I prayed, which is not unlike me but it was the what I prayed for. I didn’t pray for a miracle, I didn’t pray for the medication to work, I prayed that doctors would stop putting expiration dates on their patients lives and that I can be the one to break that cycle. I want to show the world that no one has a right to put that on someone else. 

My journey with cancer, wellness and holistic healing have prepared me for this very moment. I am prepared to bring the Arsenault of healing techniques I have in my back pocket to live my life to the fullest and healthiest.  In thirteen years I have been told many times to get my affairs in order, I have been told I wouldn’t make it 5 years, 3 years and now a year. Well jokes on all the doctors I have ever seen, I am still here and the fight is as strong as ever. You can’t break the will to live and thrive.

I want to leave you with these words- “The biggest obstacle you will ever overcome is your mind. If you can overcome that you, can overcome anything.” Whenever you are doubting your fight, your struggle, or someone else’s words, remind yourself of the Fabulous Fighter you are.

In life- WE RISE. WE HEAL. WE OVERCOME.

Wrapping you all in Fabulous light and love,

xoxo-Fab

2 Comments Add yours

  1. Joann Toomey says:

    All my love and prayers are with you. You are an inspiration to all.

  2. Dulce Lima says:

    You are a very strong and amazing woman may God continue to bless you and only God knows when is out time! Love you Beautiful🙏❤️

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